Frown

BLARGH life got really lame all of a sudden >:( I've been feeling really crappy and lonely lately -- this past week at work was sort of heel-dragging and dull. I read a lot of Anna Karenina because I had so much time. But the book is electronic, so I can't see how many pages are left. WHEN WILL IT END ALREADY??

Anyway I thought Friday would be good because I could go to the Education Center to help put together the Summer edition of our "book full of suggestions about how to teach the children". Overall it was an OK time, but maybe my expectations were too high or something, because I was in a crappy mood the whole time... my main homey Dianne wasn't there, and I was the only person who brought a lunch, so I wound up sitting in the collating room by myself for lunch... until, thank god, Boss Victor showed up and talked with me and shared in my cucumber and cake. I'm thankful for that.

I blame the previous week , hormones, and the fact that I'm not really so tight with the folks there. It was like being alone in a crowd, like at work, except it was with English-speaking people, which somehow makes it much much worse.


Today dawned windy, and I was all optimistic. I had a friend coming in to enjoy a music concert with me, and we would drink some coffee and gossip happily and I could just put all this negative feeling behind me and all would be well. Optimistic (or more accurately, in a slightly better mood) I got many things accomplished this morning, and came home to do some housework and get ready for the afternoon evening.

And she cancelled on me -- or rather, was going to a different music concert with different people, and basically expected me to rework my plans and join up with them, instead of the other way around. Not to be a bitch, but I think I rearrange my life a lot for folks, and this was just... well... I can hardly justify this, I guess. We make plans, according to wisdom, with the expectation that they won't come to pass. This is typical. So I shouldn't be disappointed. I shouldn't be so angry that the only human interaction I've had today was with shop keepers. I should have gone out and made my own interactions. Damn her, it's a big pile of camels back straws and I don't even feel I have the right to get all shouty about it. I want to shout SO BAD.

Grr grr grr


It's so weird because it was actually a good day, and I got something nice done, and I'm technically happy with it, and the weather is great... but if it's all so good, why do I feel so lousy?